day 29:

Lately, I've had an obsession over the idea of what is simplicity. I have concluded that that's what everyone wants, it's the foundation, the underlying obsession, want, desire, necessity that serves as the foundation of everything else in the world. We get a smartphone because it is made to make our lives easier, with scheduling our daily appointments and deadlines, email so that we can stay in touch, with music and television serving as entertainment. When in the real state of the world, sometimes making a phone call is the most challenging part of the phone. How do we

day 27

This old man
he played one
he played knick-knack on my thumb
WITH A KNICK KNACK PATTY-WHACK
givadoggabone!
This old man came rolling home

KNICK KNACK PATTY WHACK
CRICK CRACK BOOTY SMACK
FLAP JACK BRING IT ON BACK
FLIP FLOP DIDDLY BOP
MISH MOSH CARWASH
DING DONG It'S BEEN TOO LONG
SINCE THAT PIFF PUFF
CAN'T GET ENOUGH
OF THAT MARYJANE
GOIN' INSANE
OUT OF HIS BRAIN
GIMEE THAT GREEN GREEN
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
DOO WOP SMOKE TIL I DROP"

day 26:

i'd like to think that when we listen to music, it's our subconscious making it's way to the surface, and it listens, and if it likes it, it starts to sing. it's usually hiding, but when there is music that it likes, it kind of lets loose. i think it has to do with that feeling you get, that is kind of hard to describe, when you hear a song that you just realllyyy like. your conscious and your subconscious switch.

in 1984 i was hospitalized for approaching perfection

slowly screwing my way across europe they had to make a correction

day 24: again

LIFE LIST: [EDITED on JULY 26, 2010]

1. celebrate the new year, in another country.

2. eventually, get rid of all the shit i don't really need

3. give something to someone, not because i don't need it, but because they do

4. salsa or ballroom dancing lessons

5. ride in a hot air balloon

6. complete all the recipes in Julia Child's cookbook

7. go skydiving

8. run in some kind of race

9. go to mardi gras in new orleans

10. i just completed my mandatory language requirements for my school. i hope i don't forget EVERYTHING i learned in the last 11 months, and i hope that i can put it to use and have a conversation with a native spanish speaking individual

11. see the northern lights

12. become ambidextrous

13. break a 5 minute mile

14. make a fancy cake

15. drive across country

16. visit norway

17. ice skate at rockefeller plaza

18. paint a room with crazy patterns

19. document my family tree

20. road trip to canada

21. graduate from college

22. get my masters degree, IF that is what i really want, when the time comes

23. take a yoga class

24. take a pilates class

25. make a quilt

26. make stained glass

27. go to greece

28. one day live on the west coast, one day in new york, and one day in the south

29. stop using plastic grocery bags, all together

30. create my own set of dishes [on the wheel]

31. go to the sundance film festival

32. fix up something old and big... like a house

33. when i one day have a stable job, i want to invest in a nice camera, and i want to take real nicee photos, and i want to keep that camera in good shape so i can give it to my kids, like b's mom and dad did

34. graffiti something

35. camp on the beach

36. keep a real journal [ by "real" i mean, keep up with it.. until it's full?]

37. get off the plane, pick up my luggage, and spontaneously get a ticket for a new place, and GO]

38. fall in love

39. pick a charity or cause, and get involved. i have come to realize that there is nothing more important than standing up for something that you believe in, and sharing the wealth of support or compassion if you got it.

40. do the 21 things to do before your 21 according to seventeen magazine!

day 24:

going through my notes from classes in the fall, and i found some good stuff that i don't want to throw out. religion has been a big topic lately... probably because much of the art my grandma submitted into her show had a lot of iconography. well, it had me thinking, why is religion such a huge thing? why is it so universal, in the sense that everyone have such strong opinions about it (for the most part)? people often stereotype you, based on your religion. crusades, killing thousands of people; a war based on religion. existentialism. it's crazy, it confuses me, and it intrigues me. i want to know more.

anyways, here was one of my assignments from my art history class (114). it's good because it is a basic outline:

Outline of World Religions

1. Hinduism (religion)

· Most believe in one God with three persons:

Brahma – the creator; Vishnu – the preserver of creations. He comes to earth when dharma (eternal order, righteousness, religion, law and duty) is threatened; and Shiva – the destroyer; sometimes compassionate, erotic, and/or destructive

· Believe in transmigration of the soul (transfer of one’s soul after death into another body)

· Samsara - Continuous cycle of birth, life, death, rebirth through many lifetimes

· Karma – sum of good and bad deeds; determines your next life

· After many lifetimes of good karma, one can escape samsara and achieve enlightenment

· Four aims of Hinduism: dharma (righteousness in religious life), artha (success in economic life), kama (gratification of senses), and moksa (liberation from samsara).

2. Confucianism (philosophy)

· A highly optimistic view of human nature

· Promotes reforming the government so that it is more centered around helping the people

· Encourages virtue, especially in government officials, and respect for the following: elders and authority figures, traditional beliefs, ritual practices, education, and close family bonds.

· Everyone should have self-virtue (modesty, truthfulness, loyalty, charity and learning)

· If rulers do not display the highest virtues, and promote them, then the people will not be as likely to obtain these virtues

· Aims for harmonious relationships that will cause all around peace

· Everyone should have self-virtue (modesty, truthfulness, loyalty, charity and learning)

· Golden Rule: What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.

· Main principal is ren (compassion) which harmonizes with li (rituals), zhong (doing one’s utmost), shu (consideration, for others), and xiao (filial piety). Together they constitute de (virtue).

3. Buddhism (religion)

· Focuses on selflessness, finding an inner-peace, meditation (a mind that lets go), serving others, awareness, not conforming to the world’s ways, generosity, goodness, patience, effort, and wisdom.

· The fundamental teachings are the four noble truths:

1. There is suffering

2. There is a cause for suffering

3. There is a cessation of suffering

4. There is a path leading to the cessation of suffering

· The Noble Eightfold Path describes the way to the end of suffering. It leads to the truth and understanding of all things.

1. Right view – understand wholesome and unwholesome deeds and the law of Karma

2. Right intention - intention of non-greed, non-hatred, and non-delusion

3. Right speech- no false speech, malicious speech, harsh speech, and idle chatter

4. Right action – no killing, stealing, or sexual misconduct

5. Right livelihood – no wrong or corrupt means of livelihood

6. Right effort – without effort, nothing can be achieved, but effort needs to be guided in the right direction (effort fuels desire, envy, violence, honesty, self-discipline and kindness, etc.)

7. Right mindfulness - contemplation on body, contemplation on feelings, contemplation on mind and contemplation on mind-objects.

8. Right concentration - Abandoning of five hindrances namely lust, ill-will sloth-torpor, worry-agitation and doubt through jhanas.

4. Judeo/Christian/Islam (religions)

· Christianity: “a monotheistic system of beliefs and practices based on the Old Testament and the teachings of Jesus as embodied in the New Testament and emphasizing the role of Jesus as savior” ¹

· Judeo: “Based on the ancient Hebrew beliefs and writings (referred to as the Old Testament by other religions), current doctrine is that if every member of the faith strives to live within God’s law, he (God) will fulfill his promise (covenant), and send a messiah to restore the Jews to their rightful place as the ruling class.” ²

· Islam - “a monotheistic religion based on revelations received by the Prophet Muhammad in the 7th century, which were later recorded in the Qur'an (Koran), Islam's sacred text. … The Arabic word islam means "submission," reflecting the religion's central tenet of submitting to the will of God. Islamic practices are defined by the Five Pillars of Islam: faith, prayer, fasting, pilgrimage and alms.” ³

· Monotheistic religions (all believe in one God)

· Christians- Trinity of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Believe that God showed himself in the flesh through Jesus Christ.

· Judaism- one God who can not be divided into parts (didn’t believe Jesus was God)

· Islam- Believe in an immaterial, invisible God, who is feared because He has infinite power.

· Each have prophets or saints, and all acknowledge that Moses was a prophet of God

· Islam- believe Jesus was a prophet

· Believe in an afterlife

· Believe that God is what has created everything, and he is merciful and cares about the well being of everyone

· Believe in Paradise/Heaven for those who believe and live with God in their life

· Each have Holy Books, and also expect there to be some communication between one’s self and God (prayer and praise)

· Have rules to live by in everyday life

¹ “WordNet Search - 3.0” (accessed November 8, 2009).

² “Glossary” (accessed November 8, 2009).

³ “Religion Facts” (accessed November 8, 2009).

day 23:

if you like ben folds, this is good. my mom would hate it. your mother would probably hate it too

day 22:

HANDS DOWN, THE BEST PROTEIN/MEAL/ENERGY BAR I HAVE EVER HAD

day 21:

SIN FANG BOUS MYSPACE. this has all songs mentioned below and a full version of sinkership

day 21: the re-birth of march 2009 playlists

it makes sense to go back and listen to music that i was really into exactly one year ago. i'm doing it, and i'm picking up patterns. sin fang bous is on here, and i listened to them a little this fall, but not a lot. i dont know if i just got burnt out of them from the spring or if their songs are just harmonious with warm weather and sunshine that is present in spring, and when its cold and dark.. aka winter, i lose interest in the bouncy, indie sound of SFB. the first song i heard by them was "advent in eves garden." i think i was watching youth group's forever young video (also on my 3/09 playlist) and i saw the little preview box for it, and it looked cool, and i watched it, and then i watched it again, and then i showed maura because i knew she'd like it. i really only listened to that song and "catch the light," and then "clangour and flutes." blah blah blah.. who really cares. but anyways, shame on me for not branching out more/i'm glad i didn't because i like that experience of hearing a new song you really like, which is what's happening now.

BUT THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT:

this song came on and it was really good. this is the song you should listen to:

Sinkership - sin fang bous

Now that you've gone the doves in the air knock down)

You're the one why I'm vised into the sun

You're the only one

You're the one I'm a sinking ship coming down

Take the sun apart and put it back together

Down the mount so you can forget her

I'm coming down, I see eyes in the mirror

An old rhino sweeps in rolled up in flames

It's hard to sing when your pain bleeds

Nothing more will ever make me feel

Like a plastic bag full of sick again

An armed sissy, an otter with brains...

But without a heart

(Some one will carry on) (Now that we are appeased)

I need to forget some words I said yesterday

Change them away from memories

And just change them all again

Found you back here again

You say the same things

But we can't be friends

As long as you're unsung out of the blame

day 20:

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

" i love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. life's a bitch. you've got to go out and kick ass "

thank you maya angelou

day 20:

Black Lips call their sound "flower punk," but that's only because they don't trust rock critics to handle the describing. "It's got a lot to do with your line of work," says Bradley, plainly. "Journalists would give us the most ridiculous titles, like 'blues country.' So we just decide to call ourselves something. It's like we're too hippie to be punk and too punk to be hippie, or something like that."

-http://www.ocweekly.com/2007-10-11/music/flower-punk-s-sonic-bloom/

seeing the black lips live has changed everything. they are so good live, and it's not really that surprising, because their albums just give off a radiance that they would sound good live, but at the same time i'm so surprised they sounded THAT GREAT. it was probably the best concert i've ever been to. Cole hocking loogies at the ceiling and catching them in his mouth, and doing the same thing to his guitar... disgusting and somehow attractive, what? did i just say that?? what is wrong with me? why are they so great? they are so BOYS, they are the essence of "bad kids." they are a little arrogant, they are really fucking attractive, they probably smell bad, and they play really really good live music. they get into it. i like that, i like that a lot. something about them is so simple, and normal, but wild, and a little off, maybe perverted? i don't know what it is but great. i'd see them again, without a doubt. i've never left a concert more soaked in my life. my hair was probably full of sweat, beer, saliva, and god only knows what else.. but it was worth it. i only wish i had brought a camera.

day 19:

"'They know this other world exists, and , when you tell them that the government can't find the money to provide them with a decent place to go to school, they don't believe it and they know that it's a choice that has been made -- a choice about how much they matter to society. They see it as a message: ' This is to tell you that you don't matter much. You are ugly to us so we crowd

"They're not sophisticated so they speak out of their hearts."

you into ugly places. You are dirty so it will not hurt to pack you into dirty places.' My son says this: 'By doing this to you, we teach you how much you are hated.' I like to listen to the things my children say. They're not sophisticated so they speak out of their hearts.'"

From The Social Construction of Difference and Inequality: Race, Class, Gender, and Sexuality. Ore, Tracy E. p. 308

there is something about good music you can feel. it has a presence inside of you. it's like LOVE

Day 17:

hello tuesday. today needs to be the turning point in this not-so-healthy spring break.

here's the plan:

SOUL:

1. make art! lots of it. all over the place, glue pictures to your desk, take crayons and go crazy on the walls. just kidding. but a nice collage would be nice.. maybe some greeting cards or something

2. write letters to friends

3. do some yoga.. meditation included, close your eyes and see the colors? or don't see the colors. i see the colors

4. journal? lets get that started!!

BODY:

1. run.. night time run would be nice

2. exercise machine in garage?

3. stretch

4. abs.. oh hey bathing suit season

5. push ups

6. jumps

7. eat healthy.. mmmm veggies.. lemon water.. some protein. i want couscous

8. get that iron!

MIND:

1. read for fun. actually read for fun.

2. take a nap

3. practice spanish... no me gusta la clase de espanol

not great, but it's a start. i want to do some detox, maybe drink some kombucha, eat some blueberries? gotta find my face wash.. how is it that i've been home for just a few days and my face wash somehow disappeared ? uhgg

enough of this mindless banter. no one cares about my damn plans for the day, but here's something fun, brought to you by aria!

peace and blessings!

day 16: part dos

oh, hey tv on the radio! i think i like you, i think you're growing on me

day 16:

i really like this song. the music is tranquil, and harmonious, very characteristic of the weepies, but i also reallyyy like the lyrics. i was just talking to my friend about the last line of mary oliver's poem, In Blackwater Woods : "to live in the world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go." well, this song reminds me of this poem.. i feel a connection between the two, like a big circle/cycle/they-go-to-get-her. i don't really know that, but hearing it as i was sitting in my warm bed trying to figure out how to do my geology homework, something clicked, and i got a really bitter sweet vibe from this song. i like it. listen to it. here are the lyrics:

"World Spins Madly On"

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone
And the world spins madly on.

day 15:

"yes!!! you're right! it's just like christmas. that's why i love christmas because it feels like getting into a band which is the same thing as falling in love which is the same thing as christmas which is why brad pitt says to angelina jolie in mr & mrs smith, when angelina asks "what did you think of me the first time you saw me" he responds "i thought you looked like christmas morning." which is why they danced to mondo bongo by joe strummer and the mescaleroes in the opening scene, which is why it's hot. which pretty much brings it full circle i think. one more circle though: i always remember how you said hippie hippie hoorah made you feel like "something really good was about to happen" which is just perfect. like love and sex and the night before christmas and life, potential energy dude we're just potential energy. careful with the coffee now"

fucking love this

day 14:

I've been sleeping for 40 days and
Yeah, I know that I'm sleeping
Cause this dream's too amazing
She got gold doorknobs
where her eyes used to be yeah
One turn and I learned
What it really means to see, yeah

Oooh it's the magical mystery kind
Ooh must be a lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die

Now I've been sleeping for 60 days and
Nobody better pinch me
Bitch I swear, go crazy
She got jumper cable lips
She got sunset on her breath
I inhaled just a little bit
Now I got no fear of death

Oooh it's the magical mystery kind
aah It ain't no lie
Bye bye to the too good to be true kind of love
Oooooh I could die
Oooooh now, I could die

WOW there is a lot of love in this song.

day 13:

day 12:

why are arcade fire so good?

could it be the lyrics, that sound so whole, and thoughtful, and not like they were made to be a month-long trendy pop song. they are so fucking good. i was casually listening to "keep the car running" and when i heard the 3rd line down from below, i was just like WOWW who writes about animal heaven?! this is great! they are so original and win butler's voice is so suave and somehow rough at the same time. i really dig it.

If some night I don’t come home,
Please don’t think I’ve left you alone.
The same place animals go when they die,
You can’t climb across a mountain so high.
The same city where I go when I sleep,
You can’t swim across a river so deep.
They know my name 'cause I told it to them,
But they don’t know where
And they don’t know
When It’s coming, Oh! when is it coming?

day 11:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspision love actually is all around." -Love Actually

day 10:

and then all of a sudden we're here

past the stages of playgrounds, g.i. joes,

and our first ambitions.

we've walked across the stage,

shaking hands with our four year administrators.

we've had our first cups of coffee

and fully appreciated libraries

we look back at our high school year books and remember when we had braces

and read the comments which held a positive outlook on our future.

some of us thought we knew where we'd be

doctors. musicians. lawyers. teachers.

we didn't actually know

they didn't plan on getting pregnant

or expect to watch their high school boyfriends join uncle sam

we don't know how it happened;

we grew up.

day 9:

part II -

still looking at email ads.. found so many more that i liked. just going to throw them all up here

day 9:

i want to mention, and thank, email advertising right now: i need some inspiration, and for the first time i'm going to actually go through the annoying amount of emails that i have from online stores, and i'm going to pick out outfits, and i'm going to think about them the next time i have to get dressed. here we go, my faves from my inbox...

the skirt is why i like it. it's a good staple, but it's still one of a kind. the texture makes gives it an edgy look, along with the over sized zipper, but the heart shape at the waist and the length give it a feminine touch. i'm really into it.

rachel zoe was talking about "must haves for this fall" a few months ago, and she mention and poncho, an over sized sweater, a big bag, and a statement ring. sounds like oversized is back.

i love the simplicity of the all black outfit. && also i'm not usually a fan of lighter colored shoes, but i think i'm changing my mind. girl on left is working it, the shoes are so subtle they make it look like she's not wearing any at all. i love it

love these color patterns. that is all:

day 8:

saw some lovely people last night.. ate a delicious vegi burger [not having a meal plan makes seaco seem like a 4 star restaurant].. and went to bed relatively early. Now it is almost 9:20 am and I have already ran and showered and eaten some pb and fluff on toast. yummy.

currently listening to the blind pilot and bowerbirds. thoughts for today: productivity [ including simpson library, espanol, health log, and sociology reading ], female bonding time [ lifetime's pregnancy pact comes on this evening], and possibly some shenanigans.

p.s. this is a review i found on the song "northern lights" by bowerbirds from their newest album "upper air." it kind of captures the song perfectly if you've never heard it:

"Instrumentally, "Northern Lights" isn't made up of much: an acoustic guitar, drums, some splashes of piano, and the hum of an organ as the song fades to silence. But Bowerbirds employ these tools with an evocative and elegant confidence-- you can close your eyes and imagine the unfurling ferns and swaying grass described in the song's lyric before Phil Moore even opens his mouth. When Moore and friends do sing, they offer a plainspoken invocation of love that's no less beautiful for its simplicity-- "All I want is your eyes/ In the morning as we wake/ For a short while." And when this song's sparse modesty gives way to an unexpected swell, the tune realizes a near-orchestral grandeur and splendor that most string sections could only hope to emulate. There are thousands of overwrought songs released every year that beg and plead and all but demand their prospective audience to feel something; "Northern Lights" takes the road less traveled and simply asks that you listen."

thank you pitchfork

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/11267-northern-lights/

day 7:

i sat in my second favorite nook of hyperion drinking chocolate soy milk [that i packed from my house from a used cranberry juice bottle because i had no cash, and no time to drive to the bank] i read my favorite christmas present: poetry speaks expanded. this is a really great book. it's got some walt whitman, e e cummings, t s eliot, ... all sorts of poets. this is a good book for me because my knowledge and understanding of poetry/poets is miniscule. i just started appreciating it about a year ago, and i want to know more. i feel like poetry is so big, and so much apart of our culture [music, greeting cards, even some commercials..]. i want to be a better writer also. anyways, i was really flying through the poems today, trying to find some that i wanted to write to go along with this picture i had sketched in my sketchbook during this coffee date with maura, and i found two that stuck out to me. here they are:

Oread

Whirl up, sea ----

Whirl your pointed pines,

splash our great pines

on our rocks,

hurl your green over us,

cover us with your pools of fir.

- Hilda Doolittle

Take Hands

Take hands.

There is no love now.

But there are hands.

Thre is no joining now,

But a joining has been

Of the fastening of fingers

And their opening.

More than the clasp even, the kiss

speaks lonliness,

How we dwell apart,

And how love triumphs in this.

day 6:

"Alabama Arkansas I do Love my Ma and Pa
But not as much as I do Love you
Holy Moly Me oh My your the apple of my eye
Girl aint never loved one like you
Man o Man your my best friend I scream it to the nothingness
that we got everything we need
Hot and Heavy pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy Jesus Christ
Aint nothin please me more than you"

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

"Home"

this song is so great, it captures the essence of the feeling that comes over you when you are so happy with someone. what i mean is when you know someone and you really like them and it's the beginning of that infatuation when you can't get enough of them and you think about them all the time and you always have a stomach ache because you want to see them, or your about to see them. it's that excitement that sends electric charges through your bones when you see them unexpectedly, that stops you from taking in oxygen for one half second, and leaves you holding your breath for 7 more seconds without even realizing it because you don't even feel like breathing is really that important. the song is great, the feeling it reminds me of makes it even better. i know it's so cliche, but i woke up this morning wanting this feeling so badly

day 5:

i just entered new jersey and i looked out the window and there was a burger king shaped kind of like this. i couldn't find an exact picture on google, but the one i saw looked a little more rectangular, and had towers on the corners, but it was a burger king shaped like a castle, nonetheless. the world would be a better place if all burger kings were shaped like castles.

day 5:

florence and the machine

section from "dog days are over"

" The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming so you better run

Run fast for your mother run fast for your father
Run for your children and your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your loving behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can't you hear the horses
Cuz here they come "

this is the song of the day for me. it's the first day of 2010, happy new years. this song is a celebration of the end of worrisome feelings, and the beginning of motion, passion, and positivity. i'm so happy right now. i'm on a bus to new york to stay with emily for a few days which is great because i haven't seen her since september 11. 2009, the craziest year of my life thus far, is over. i finally have some money in the bank which is stability i haven't had in a very long time. working and going to school was such a struggle; "dog days." being back in fred is so monumental for me. it's what i've been working the last few months for and it's here and it's sweet. and now i'm going to new york and new jersey, and then emily and i will be going back to vb for a day and then in fred where i will get to completely move into my room in the house, and people will begin coming back from school. there are so many good feelings i'm experiencing right now, and i feel like i have so many things to look forward to. being home this fall has probably made all of this more satisfying.

i know the excerpt i chose from the song might sound kind of crazy and depressing, but the song itself is sung with so much passion. she's putting everything thing into her voice, and you can really relate to how she's feeling, and you can feel it and it makes you want to cry and sing and scream. it sets my emotions off the scale. it makes me want to run. it makes me feel obligated to make my life GO, and take off and to jump into a bank of potential, i love it.